“Yeah” An Original Poem

     “Your house is on fire!”, I said.
 All of us neighbors came out to see.
My bike, your bike, her bike- we sat them down,
With our priorities straight, before we knew what that meant.
    Yesterday was last summer,
And you turned the mower over when it stopped.
Pulling out grass and sticks and leaves and—four bloody fingers.
  “It’s weird; when you have people screaming in your ear over the loud lawnmower,
And all you hear are clouds”, you said as we were getting ready to leave the rooftop.
Back then, it was a mountain.
Remember that mountain?
  Now it’s you, and me, and she, with our bikes rested on our shins,
In the orange glow of your house at bedtime.
       “I guess you’ll be moving soon.”
            “Yeah.”

Porn-again Christian (The Sequel)

 It’s time for us guys to kick the bucket on knocking our own boot.
The problem may not be the act of “loving thyself”, but I doubt there’s a man on earth who can think of trucks, trumpets, or pterodactyls and get through the job.
The heart of it all is the sexual fantasy that seems to be so wired in our heads after so many years of building that mental library of naked women.
  Remember when it began?  When your library was just a small bookshelf with a few Victoria’s Secret magazines stuffed in as bookmarks?
Remember when it wasn’t about moneyshots, sex, or even nudity? 
Remember when you didn’t even see why those things were attractive?
It is possible to get your mind kind of close to that same state again.
   But say you’re not even a Christian dude.  What reason would you have to get back to that more innocent mindset?


In a massive psychological study, it was found very clear, even by men with present thoughts that pornography was not “wrong”, after watching pornography for a mandatory 10 hours a week, the men reported having a “fuzzy view of the line between women in general and women in sexual acts.” ( M. et al Personality Soc. Psych. Bul. 1990 16: 296-308. )
Some men even anonymously admitted that after the repeated exposures, they had begun to have sexual fantasies with a much broader selection of females.
Including family members, children, and women who generally “off limits”.
Some guys are cool with this.  But real men are not.
If you watch porn, I have no doubt you’ve noticed the difference in your thinking when you watch more than 6 times a week.


I’ll openly admit that I’ve been there.
I’ve been to a point where nothing could keep me from it. I didn’t feel guilty at all either.
I just had a sense of “logical” regret.  I knew it’s effects and I knew I had a problem.
Confessing to friends didn’t help.  Making promises didn’t help.  Switching to “safemode” didn’t help.  Even praying had little effect on me.
So what works? What could possibly get you out if you want out?
It’s a strange place to be… when you ask yourself that.
It’s the kind of stuck where you feel yourself sinking, but it’s so slow you never really panic.
Did you know that if you can boil a frog to death without the frog noticing?
When it’s in the water, the heat rise is gradual enough that the frog never panics and hardly realizes a difference.
Us guys have the same problem but we can evolve.  Lets go from frogs to men.
We have a brain, we have reasons, and we have God on our side.
Grab yourself an accountability partner (link for software at the bottom), talk to your girlfriend/wife/pastor/dad/good friend, and confess.
Fight this thing like a lion.
I’m fighting with a small army; and I’m glad to say I’m winning.

Matthew 5:27-28

²⁷ You have heard that it was said, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

 ²⁸ but I say to you, that everyone that looks at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.

http://www.x3watch.com/x3watchfreebuy.html  

“The Best” lyrics

You have got to be the best thing that I’ve ever known or seen.
With sugar lips, the goose bumps hit me like cold finger tips and,
I never dreamed to feel such things.
I prayed to God to give me the best.
And that’s how I got you, and I pray that I keep you. 

And I can’t, and I can’t let this go. 
And I can’t, and I can’t let this go.  
‘Cause then you might go home, alone.

When you give it up do you think “Maybe this is not what I need.” 
This empty hole is just selfishness, but maybe sex will all make it fit.
“Feel it, oh, yeah I feel it, Oh!”
You ever say no? No I don’t think so.
Not as special as we both thought.
This bloody heart has just made a clot.
I don’t wanna be, just another Cody. 

And I can’t, and I can’t let this go. 
And I can’t, and I can’t let this go.   
And I can’t, and I can’t let this go. 
And I can’t, and I can’t let this go.  
‘Cause then you might go home, alone.  
‘Cause then you might go home, alone.    

“We Are Perfect” lyrics

Man, I really hate you right now. (I deserve that)
I can’t believe you lost it all the day we were done. (We were done)
Man, I really hate myself now. (Why would you hate yourself for something I did?)

I’ve been finding security in the worst things out there.
You were a back up plan that didn’t go so well.
But I started finding hope and pulled on her rope to get out,
Of you.
Your loneliness, 
Obsessiveness,
Insane fits,
Clinging on to a helpless man.

Man, I really hate you right now. (I deserve that)
I can’t believe you lost it all the day we were done. (We were done)
Man, I really hate myself now. (Why would you hate yourself for something I did?) 
Man, I really hate when you smile. (My smile)
I memorized every last crease on your lips. (On my lips)
Man, I really hate myself now. (Why would you hate yourself for something I did?)

(I’ve been finding security in the worst things out there.
Jumping from girl to girl to break them down to you.)

“Lovely Lioness” lyrics

(Woopies and doopies)

I’m so afraid you’ll find another man, that you think is better for you.
Well, I think I’m better for you. 
I’m so afraid that I’ll never find the courage to talk to you.
I wanna talk and be with you. 

Won’t you be my loveliness,
‘cause I don’t feel hopeless when you’re around.

I wont let up ‘cause I can’t live without you,
You know I roar so loud.
I wont let up ‘cause I’m not brave without her lioness.

Baby you know you always give up;
I’ll never stop, baby you know it.
I’ll never drink, baby you know it.
I’ll never cheat, baby you know it.
I’ll never smoke, baby you know it. 
I’m not a creep, baby you know it. 
I’ll never leave, baby you know it. 
Baby you know it, baby you know it

I wont give up ‘cause I can’t live without you,
You know I roar so loud.
I wont let up ‘cause I’m not brave without her lioness.  
I wont give up ‘cause I can’t live without you,
You know I roar so loud.
I wont let up ‘cause I’m not brave without her lioness.    

“Breaking Into Houses” lyrics

Walking through the creek; rocks and crawfish under your feet.
They pinched, so I picked you up. And laid you down on some dry ground.

Why don’t we go where it all made sense to us?
Break inside the barn so we can start that,
Figuring each other out.

I thought I had you figured out then.

You are moving onto art school.
They’ll teach you to paint and to binge drink.
Now I learn to see you less.
While other guys see you undress.
It’s killing me, ‘cause you used to be good.
In retrospect, think I knew that you would.

Why don’t we go where it all made sense to us?
Breaking into houses, getting caught by cops,
Why don’t we lock your keys inside the car?
Why don’t we go where it all made sense to us?
Break inside the barn so we can start that,
Figuring each other out. 

Why don’t we go where it all made sense to us?
Breaking into houses, getting caught by cops,
Why don’t we lock your keys inside the car?
Why don’t we go where it all made sense to us?
Break inside the barn so we can start that,
Figuring each other out. 

Why don’t we go where it all made sense to us?
Break inside the barn so we can start that,
Figuring each other out, no, no, no.
Breaking in.
Breaking in. 

“North Carolina” lyrics

The best part of life is knowing I had a good thing.
The worst part is knowing it was only for an evening.
‘Cause it killed you to know you’d be gone.
I thought staying was right, but you proved me wrong.

I hate you North Carolina, for taking all that I have.
I hate you North Carolina, but I guess it’s for the best.
Yeah, I guess it’s for the best.

When your on your plane ride to your new home.
Just think of me, just think of me alone.
Not enough to bring you back here.
But just enough to pull out a warm tear. 

I hate you North Carolina, for taking all that I have.
I hate you North Carolina, but I guess it’s for the best.

And I thought that you were someone I could rely on, but your not that at all.
Not at all.  You’re the worst of the worst. You’re the scum of the earth.
But I think you deserve just a chance back with me, with me.

I hate you North Carolina, for taking all that I have.
I hate you North Carolina, but I guess it’s for the best.
No I don’t,
No I don’t,
No I don’t,
No I don’t,
No I don’t,
No I don’t,
Know how to miss you. 

“Brother Days” lyrics

There’s a day, it was summer, that I spent with my brother.
And we went across the street to swim.
And a man, held me under to drown in that water.
I was scared that no one heard me scream.
You threw rocks, aiming at him, saying words only bad kids would say.
But you got him to let go of me.

Brother days. They fade, they fade like, the other ones do.

In the night, when I got scared, I would crawl onto his bed and we’d sit and just play cards for hours.
We grew up, doubted Jesus, dated girls, gave our parents the hell that we built up through the years.
But my prayers, they were answered, yours were not.
Luke got cancer, and you refused to love the God that takes away.

Brother days. They fade, they fade like, the other ones do.
Brother days. They fade, they fade like, the other ones do. 

There’s a drive, that I will not forget, with my brother. 
And he cried when he told he’s not innocent.
And his eyes they were glazing, like the streets after glazing through the night.
It was almost 3am. 

“Waltz In A Park” lyrics

Running all night through the lush woods, ‘til our feet broke off into the mud.
When the sun came, we were both scorched, so I held your hand and held on your torch.
How am I to blame you for this and that when I’m standing here, I’m just as bad.
Don’t give up hope on me.

Don’t give up hope on me now, I’ll be the real one.
I’ll dance with you.
Don’t give up hope on me now, I’ll be the real one.
I’ll dance with you.

So I’m running all night through the lush woods, in the heartland park,
Right next to the chapel where I once wanted to meet you and to wed you.
And all of this is gonna change from this to that so how am I to blame,
You for what happened back in the camper? With your daggone, your dad gone.

Oh, oh, I, I think it’s my fault now.
I think it’s my fault and I’m all to blame, for everything,
That has happened to you.  Don’t give up hope on me. 

Don’t give up hope on me now, I’ll be the real one.
I’ll dance with you.
Don’t give up hope on me now, I’ll be the real one.
I’ll dance with you.

Don’t give up hope on me now, we were precious and we had all this filth that we bathed in,
Love that we cherished, hope that we held on, hope that will live. 

“Legs That Run” lyrics

It is nearing the end of June.
And we just passed your bitrthday, the first one that you spent underground.
And I really missed you.
So to feel close to you, I visited your grave site,
But I just felt even further from you. Further than I understood.

I, I’ll miss you, bud.
I, I’ll miss you, bud.

Almost every night in my bed, I wish you had my lungs instead.
Because mine work perfectly fine, and I don’t deserve them.
Almost every night in my room, I just turn the lights off and stand still.
And try to escape those thoughts. The ones where you can’t hear my voice.

I, I’ll miss you, bud.
I, I’ll miss you, bud.


And I’ll be fine if heaven isn’t just a cloud.
And I’ll be fine if we don’t decay underground forever.
Cause we’ll sing “Holy, holy is he. Holy, holy is he forever. Forever”
And I hope that heaven isn’t just a white cloud.
And I hope that you walk on golden streets.
And he give you legs that run forever.

(Holy, holy is he forever. Holy, holy is he forever.
And you know you are God. So give him legs that run, forever.)

“Wise” lyrics

Days with you are special; special ‘cause I’m ending them soon with you.
And nights with you are special; special ‘cause I’ll pluck the stars right out, right out of your sky. 

And I’m wise for letting you go so soon.
And I’m wise for letting you go. ‘Cause I’m not to be trusted here.
‘Cause I’m not to be trusted here. 

Days with you are special; special ‘cause I’m ending them soon with you.
And nights with you are special; special ‘cause I’ll pluck the stars right out, right out of your sky. 

And I’m wise for letting you go so soon.
And I’m wise for letting you go. ‘Cause I’m not to be trusted here.

And I know deep down, that my family really hates me right now.
I know deep down, that my boss really hates me right now.
I know deep down, that my brother really hates me right now.
I know deep down, that Caitlin really hates me right now.
So go back, go back, go back, back to Kenya, ‘cause I don’t need you.
So go back, go back, go back, to kenya, ‘cause I don’t need you.

And I know deep down, that Tyler is still underground.
And I know deep down, that my pastor really hates me right now.
I know deep down, that everybody hates me right now.
I know deep down, that your ears really hate me right now.
Your ears hate me right now. (They hate me now)
Your ears hate me right now. (They hate me now)
Your ears hate me right now.
Your ears hate me right now. 

“Honey” lyrics

A cold night in your car, we stepped out to make the ground a mattress.
The ground and its grass will become a blanket for us cause you need it.
The water up the hill forms a ceiling above our faces.
We’ll stare up at the jellyfish as they are stars for a moment.

It’s a dream, its all a dream.
But waking up is just as good, here. 
When your face becomes a solid shape under the dim light,
In a dark room, I feel like my eyes were made for this moment.

I’ll meet you in the morning by the chapel again.
And we’ll walk on to the playground where Copeland is in your ears.
And it’s touching mine.
Your couch asleep. The most comfortable you could be with infomercials.

It’s a dream, its all a dream.
But waking up is just as good, here. 
When your face becomes a solid shape under the dim light,
In a dark room, I feel like my eyes were made for this moment.
I believed that you were honest
And I believed that I’d somehow make it out of you alive. 

And so you stepped out of the dream just to feel the real world.
And I decide, I’d rather be with the real you.
There’s something you should say, I don’t love you anymore.
There’s something you should say, I don’t love you anymore.
There’s something I should say, I don’t love you anymore.
There’s something I should say, I don’t love you anymore.
And so you stepped out of the dream just to crawl back in.
And so you stepped out of the dream just to crawl back in,
Into bed. 

It’s a dream, its all a dream.
But waking up is just as good, here. 
When your face becomes a solid shape under the dim light,
In a dark room, I feel like my eyes were made for this moment.
I believed that you were honest 
And I believed that I’d somehow make it out of you alive.
I believed that you were honest 
And I believed that I’d somehow make it out of you alive.  

“Thesaurus” lyrics

Do you remember breaking in and blankets in the grass?
Slow dancing and freeing in an abandoned house?
Drenching wet with rain and no way to get dry?
I want to go back; I’m putting us in rewind. 

I gotta find a new way to say “I love you”.
I gotta find a new way to say “I love you”.
Because my personal thesaurus is growing pretty dull.
And the way I said it before doesn’t work. 

It’s been about an hour or two, since we last talked.
While I’m standing next to you, after going for a walk.
And I can’t believe that we’re so far from Christmas Eve,
where I bought you the best gift.

I gotta find a new way to say “I love you”.
I gotta find a new way to say “I love you”.
Because my personal thesaurus is growing pretty dull.
And the way I said it before doesn’t work.  

(Taped message from Caitlin)

“A Dark House” lyrics

It’s a sweet home. It’s a dulcet place to be.
But when I’m alone, I dream of a better bed to sleep.
On a wet street in the morning with no soul, there’s no heartbeat,
just foggy breathes floating in the cold.
I want a home.
I want a home with you. 
I want a home.
I want a home with you.  

It’s a sweet house. It’s a dulcet place to be.
But when I’m alone, I dream of a better bed to sleep.
I want a home.
I want a home with you.
I want a home.
I want a home with you.

Everywhere I go I see a blue Buick.
And every time I do I wish you were in it. 
Everywhere I go I see a blue Buick.
And every time I do I wish you were in it.   

(I want a home.
I want a home to call my own.
I want a home.
I want a home with you.
I want a home.
I want a home to call my own.
I want a home.
I want a home with you.)